Date: unspecified cold, clear December morning
Course: quarter lap of island
Class: mixed transport class
Propellants: leg power, electric/small petrol engine, fear of missing ferry, attempting to cause rivals to miss ferry, variable smell of canine excrement, any available hill, slope etc.
Inspirations: Wacky Races, Senna v Prost, Battle Royale, Isle of Man TT, the life-affirming lifejacket lady (see below).
10. Trundling rubbish cart causes a stink on first corner
9. Triad escapee cycling with face obscured by DAB literature
8. Would-be hipster weighed down by giant headphones
7. Snake startled from the bushes
6. 100-year-old fisherman with bad attitude
5. Cops in toy patrol car divert electric motor to cook morning fish balls
3. Stray dog
2. Businessman employs hidden engine in tuk-tuk; overtakes field while cackling
1. Teenage schoolgirl with super-new imported Japanese bicycle, riding serenely with eyes closed
Next meeting: same time tomorrow
NB: Novice racers should note that in keeping with their rebellious nature, islanders prefer to ride on the right-hand side of all circuits in current use – in contrast to the legally enforced left-hand driving you’ll find on ‘conformist’ Hong Kong.