29. So you have an external membrane and a habit of leaving home occasionally? Please take note….

Like a lanced boil on the surface of the Earth’s bloated face Hong Kong has been cooling recently, whilst even in the cooking oil-applying, San Tropez-style resort I’m hearing the UK has become in recent times, I’m betting it won’t be long before the fur-lined hoodies are up. Wherever you’ve spent the summer months, it’s a fair bet that you’ll have had a blast of welcome sunshine. These days, due to personal experience and at least two bald patches, the sun having its hat on leads me to secure my own that bit more tightly, rather than resort to the foppish doffery of the past. Loathe as I am for you to imitate the majority of my (frankly disgusting) habits, this one seems likely to become increasingly necessary.

Fry & Laurie talk moles 

Whatever your nationality; whatever the nuances of your fabulous complexion (and even if, unlike Hugh’s nemesis, you don’t have a garden) you can do yourself a massive favour by regularly checking for moles. If skin cancer referrals can go up a whopping 41% over five years in the UK then I can only assume there will have been an equally dramatic rise in more sun-blessed countries.

That said, I could easily be wrong because it turns out there’s much I don’t know about melanoma, or to be more accurate, there’s much the medical community is still to learn about this type of cancer.

So please – don’t delay. Check yourself, check your partner; check between your toes and fingers for the blighters. Go straight to your doctor if you find anything suspicious. Look in particular for asymmetrical, expanding and/or multi-coloured moles with dark patches. And if you find any of those in your garden you ought to lay off the medication for a while…